I just felt confused all day long. A large part of me was mad because Carrie wasn't a real mom yet -- I've longed so much the past two weeks for the baby. I knew she was going to come the last two weeks, like I knew she'd be a girl earlier. But anger? Really? Why should I be mad? Impatient I guess. Anxious. Nervous. Uncertain. Scared.
I was also confused regarding my mom and step-mom. As happy as I am for dad having found someone that makes him happy again, I haven't exactly hit it off with my step-mom yet. I don't know if I ever will either. I still feel a lot of jealousy I think because dad used to spend so much time here in Belding, and with us. Now I'm lucky if I see him once a week. Not to mention the changes being made in "the lakehouse". They look nice -- but its not the same house it used to be. A part of me feels like every memory of mom is being smothered out -- painted over, tiled over, removed and sold on craigslist. And the other part of me realizes this is just part of moving on -- a healthy stage of grieving. Just wish I could show the same excitement as everyone else does.